Until you do something you are not comfortable with, you cannot discover who you are..
This trip was planned long time ago in concept but it happened in a sudden.. so sudden that I could inform them only after checking in.
I remember my tours.. staying at some hotel and hiking from one place to other.. where every place seems same.. ritual tours. I have reached the point where risking my life for the unknown is the only thing that can give me some respite from the enormous over-enveloped burden of living..
I stand in the queue to check in with 5 or 6 other people, waiting my turn.. thinking about many things.. after an hour I am taking taxi for home..
When reached, found Addu sleeping and it took some cajoling and bribe to pull him out of bed.. and then he allowed me in his circle to play and gossip.
The human brain is fascinating.. we will forget a scent until we smell it again, we will erase a voice until we hear it again, and even emotions will resurface when we meet the people.
After two hours Guddu ji came and I got my much needed lemon tea. I am proud and astonished of his adventurous spirit, his desire to conquer the impossible and always demand more and more of his body.. raw and crazy.. inside out.
Sometime around midnight Upmita came.. and I knew that from continuous sounds coming from utensils and footsteps.. I am sure, it was deliberately done to disturb my sleep.
It was decided to get up at 5 in the morning and leave for jungle by 6.. it got delayed by half an hour. In my early days I was very adventurous, I liked the open air, and was never intimidated by the unknown.. then I changed.. perhaps circumstances changed.. perhaps because.. we are now living under pressure that didn't exist before. We need to maintain basic needs like.. education, health, food, house. We try to have fun on weekends because that's what everybody does, and when we don't feel like leaving the house, we think there's something wrong with us.
Both the cycles were serviced and we started the ride.. helmets on.. we talked and cycled.. actually, it was not me who was cycling, but a robot who was obeying voice commands.. a guide making my ride smooth and informative. We stopped.. there was caution board advising the concerns of danger.. then we took that road.. path became steep with loose boulders on it.. we disembarked and continued to move holding our cycles alongside.. our shoes kicking loose boulders. There was a makeshift Machan on the way.. we stayed there for a while speculating what else was being done there apart from resting. Free ride in mountains came only after that and we peddled as fast as we could.
We were on top of the mountain.. I screamed - not from fear or excitement, but from instinct.. the surroundings were controlling our lives.. and what I saw there, what I felt, is something I will never be able to accurately describe.. down below was a river flowing.. and some scattered mud-stone huts, a far away temple, trees.. we started to trek towards the river.. following the stones, wind and silence.
Once you are there, mountains are not threatening but are friendly, dressed in dense green with the sun glistening all around.. my mind relaxed.. I unstrapped my helmet and stretched my arms like a bird.. effortlessly using my wings to control the flight.. nowhere to go.. just having fun.. celebrating life and the beauty all around it.
We sat there for some time.. it seemed like I am in my mother's womb, completely safe and protected and experiencing things for the first time. Soon I will be born, and I will turn back into a human being who walks with two feet on the face of the earth. At the moment though, all I am doing is existing in this womb, putting up no resistance and letting myself go wherever I am taken.. I am free.. I am the mountains and the rivers.. I have no past, present or future.. I am getting to know what people call 'eternity'.
Then came a check dam, a roadside shop.. and we started our return.. We talked on the way.. stopped and posed.. stopped and lit a bidi.. stopped and rested.. stopped and continued again..
Another jungle.. we went inside.. under a tree we sat.. he does some work related whatapp chat and I am somewhere else.. I start to hear voices that have been stifled inside for so long.. stifled by haunting thoughts, by loneliness, by sleepless nights, by fear of joys being taken away.. I distance myself from me as well.. I am in another world where things never fall perfectly into place.. where impossible desires, sufferings and pleasures all happen.
We start again.. 7 km to home.. I was tired.. panting.. tried to hide my tiredness until I could no longer hold it.. and I yelled.. asking him to stop for a while..
When we came back home, I wanted a long shower, but was advised to wait for sometime.. meanwhile lassi was served.. I didn't praise then, but tell you.. it was awesome.
After I took the shower, came back to some senses.. my mind had left my body and was still blended with nature, that gigantic nature around me.. and now all that what I experienced seemed like a little dot within my heart that infinitely expanded like space.. an instrument.. a blessing.. my mind struggled to maintain control and explain at least something that I was feeling.. but the power was stronger and I went off to sleep.
In the morning whole house was sleeping when I got up to leave.. Upmita got up and in 5 minutes got ready to see me off.. thank you.. you are a nice soul.
I sat in the airport lobby for half an hour.. tears of bliss washed my soul.. finally, I realised that it is time to return to the world.. I moved towards boarding...
